才是四月不到，台北天氣便熱了，白日高峰過了三十度的高溫，而我家這間不過位在五層的老公寓，又種花又養貓的，這時便知該死，三面通風是好處亦變了短絀，尤其貓兒進進出出，蚊子便也跟著出出進進。
這時節初生的蚊子，特別饞也特別兇狠，振翅速度都很快，且能如F16般迅速在空中轉騰飛旋，滅了燈之後更是肆無忌憚，雖是手腳在棉被中藏得好好的，但我的眉間鼻頭卻被咬到很難入眠。
睡不好，脾氣就會跟著躁，終於，昨天讓我眼尖，看到一隻蚊子，停在高高的犄角旮旯之中，這幾天睡不好的怨懟讓我一整個怒從心上起，搬了椅子要去打，但怎奈那是高高的牆壁死角，就算用電蚊拍，也電不到，我又太矮，搬了椅子還是構不著，我又不想冒著危險跳起來打然後摔斷脖子胳膊之類的（參見http://www.wretch.cc/blog/shiaolin&article_id=14206119，單身女生如果這樣死法真的是很笨啊）。
所以，氣極敗壞之下，我，我，我就順手拿起旁邊剛剛換下來的逼逼（消音。提示，長型的，有附棉墊的，還有伸縮彈性的，或可稱，＂萊卡織物＂），往蚊子用力…..
揮過去。
萊卡的伸縮性不是蓋的！就算猛力躍起也未見得探得到的角落，纖維一延伸，蚊子真的被打到了，還沒有當場斃命，而是暈過去掉到地上，然後我就拿拖鞋，補上最後致命一擊，清潔溜溜，不留痕跡。
我家的黑貓張小滷，在旁邊目睹整個過程，目瞪口呆，眼睛張得好圓。
S說，這樣很傷＂萊卡織物＂，成本太高了啦，妳去買把一百多元的電蚊拍啦，絕對可以順利克服手不夠長的問題，＂蚊子感到有物體靠近時，第一個反應是向後飛，於是就會被電力磁場吸住，捕進電網裡，而且蚊子是向後微向上的角度，不會向下…..＂（不愧是在貓頭鷹出版社工作的，有科普上身的感覺了。）
我說，拿萊卡織物打蚊子完全像是HBO喜劇中會出現的橋段，珊卓布拉克或是芮妮齊薇格會擔綱的那種，S接，「沒錯，然後休葛蘭就會擺出一臉驚恐的苦笑。」
C附上註解，妳家蚊子，未免也死得太風流了吧。
後記：突然覺得，這整個過程都可以配上Gloria Gaynor的I’ll Survive。
超級點題，＂You are not welcome anymore＂，對，就是。
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
('cause) you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did I crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not.I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I will survive. Hey hey.
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you,
And so you feel like droppin' in
And just expect me to be free,
Now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me
Go on now.. etc.
留言列表
