套首《Avenue Q》中的歌，我覺得紐約的地鐵卡根本就是小小的種族歧視者。
說實話，我對紐約的地鐵挺沒輒。
由於這趟紐約行，幾乎多半都有賴小蓁當超高級人肉GPS，後來搬到布魯克林住，也都沿著L線接A、C、E穩定的移動，除了第一天小迷路外，後來基本上出門回家都還挺順利，所以我就很嬌縱地來回紐約兩周，一張地圖或是地鐵圖都沒拿，身上現在唯一的地鐵圖，還是買來送人的紀念品撲克牌上印的。
所以只要我不小心有機會自己搭地鐵，肯定迷路。
上城下城永遠搞不清楚，從百老匯50街搭回最熟悉的W4站看招牌照樣坐錯方向，搭最熟悉的A、C、E藍線都可以搭錯方向，地鐵中手機又收不到訊號，每次賴小蓁把我自己放去坐地鐵，就好像是不小心把家貓丟出門外的緊張。
（連大神經黃小貓都比我會搭地鐵，超傷心。）
還有刷地鐵卡，也是我的惡夢。
紐約的地鐵卡可不像台灣的悠遊卡輕脆硬挺，不管是單次使用或是期間限定多次使用磁條卡，都軟軟的，很難刷，哼一週無限次數要美金二十四大洋耶，卡的品質不能做好點嗎？！！
刷了之後如果推門出問題，又有時限幾分鐘後才能再刷，有一次在旋轉門式樣的入口前，由於我白痴地推錯格，所以推到一半卡住，前邊轉過去的那格已經被視為進入計次了，所以怎樣重刷都告訴我Just Used，不准我用，我跟賴小蓁只好無奈地回到地面，走到下一站，才能再刷一次進去；另外一次是後邊有人推著我進去，結果我刷太快，沒注意到已經刷過被記數，所以根本連推閘都來不及推，再刷一次時才發現又是Just Used，但賴小蓁已經進去了，我只好轉身花兩塊美金大洋趕快買張單程票刷進去。
刷到後來，我覺得每次坐地鐵都有種隱隱的心理障礙，搞得有時候過閘門時，又緊張趕著刷，所以會發生刷半天刷不過去的慘劇。
以下是最慘的一次，話說某天晚上趕著回家，在週末午夜的人潮高峰中，我抖索著摸出地鐵卡。
嗶，「Please Swipe Again」，好吧，刷。
嗶，「Please Swipe Again」，好吧，再刷。
嗶，「Please Swipe Again」，我要生氣了。刷啦刷啦。
嗶，「Too Slow to Swipe」，太小心刷反而不能辨識是吧笨刷卡機。那就，刷！！！
嗶，「Too Fast to Swipe」。無言，乾脆轉檯。
我想我是不小心掉到Adam Sandler的電影場景了。！＠＃＄︿＆＊＊＊＊！！！！
我恨紐約地鐵卡。
附註：《Avenue Q》原曲《Everyone's A Little Bit Racist》歌詞：
Princeton:
Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Kate Monster:
Sure!
Princeton:
Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster:
Uh huh.
Princeton:
Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Kate Monster:
Right.
Princeton:
You're both Monsters.
Kate Monster:
Yeah.
Princeton:
Are you two related?
Kate Monster:
What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton:
Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster:
Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related.
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?
Princeton:
No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster:
I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race.
Princeton:
Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster:
What do you mean?
Princeton:
What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster:
What about it?
Princeton:
Could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster:
No, we don't want people like you-
Princeton:
You see?!
You're a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:
Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:
I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster:
Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton:
But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster:
Between me and you,
I think
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.
Princeton:
Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -
Kate Monster:
No!
Princeton:
No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster:
Right!
Both:
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!
Princeton:
All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster:
Okay!
Princeton:
There's a plan going down and there's only
one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster:
And a black guy!
Gary Coleman:
Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Kate Monster:
Uh...
Gary Coleman:
You were telling a black joke!
Princeton:
Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman:
I don't.
Princeton:
Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman:
Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton:
Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman:
Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster:
You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:
Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton:
We're all a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman:
I think that I would
Have to agree with you.
Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do.
Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -
All right!
Kate Monster:
All right!
Princeton:
All right!
Gary Coleman:
All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white
All:
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.
Princeton:
Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman:
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton:
Who?
Gary Coleman:
Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster:
But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:
No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster:
No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman:
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-
Princeton:
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
Brian:
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman:
Racism!
Brian:
Cool.
Christmas Eve:
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton:
What's that mean?
Brian:
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster:
Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian:
I'm not!
Princeton:
Oh no?
Brian:
Nope!
How many Oriental wives
Have you got?
Christmas Eve:
What? Brian!
Princeton:
Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!
Christmas Eve:
I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!
Brian:
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve:
And I love you.
Brian:
But you're racist, too.
Christmas Eve:
Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power.
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!
Princeton:
Me too!
Kate Monster:
Me too!
Gary Coleman:
I can't even get a taxi!
All:
Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!
Christmas Eve:
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!
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